I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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