So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
