bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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