Nicole vs. Life
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
