College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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