Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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