How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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