I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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