I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dignity is for republicans.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
