I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
