Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
