it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
