grandma shit on top of the toilet
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
