I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
