i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this just has baby written all over it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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