I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
