your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
