Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ketchup is God's man juice
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
