he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
