I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
