and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
