I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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