I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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