Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
