Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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