I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize