One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize