I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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