Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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