so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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