I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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