ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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