took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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