how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
