Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize