Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
