Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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