I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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