For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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