I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
