Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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