before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
