You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
