come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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