He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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