I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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