guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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