I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
