So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
