I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
