First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
