I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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