Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
