she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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