I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
