So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
