He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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