So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
