hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My pussy is not your playground.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
