The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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