My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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