trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
