So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
