The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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