took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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