I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
