About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
