I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
