Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
