we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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